On returning to work

Bruce G Larson

I have been on medical leave through the Family Medical Leave Act since March, 2014. This time has been unpaid since I did not have short or long term disability insurance. That was a mistake. I figured I made it this long without medical problems that involved months of treatment and rehabilitation, so why would I need it now? The fact that I am growing older, of course, never figured into the arguments. It will, next time we can make changes.

I have mixed feelings about returning to work. First, I am eager to work. We need the money and have I never been off of work for this long and, frankly, it is driving me a bit crazy. The routine of work is comforting to me. I like the people I work with and I like what I do.

The job I have is a very challenging one. I sell replacement parts for commercial cooking, preparation and refrigeration equipment. Basically, I sell parts for ovens and refrigerators. The competition is tough. All the competitors want the business we have and we want the business the competition has. That's the way it normally works. I know almost everyone in the business here so being a ruthless salesman is not an approach I can take. Besides, it is not in my character to do.

My customers include commercial repair services companies, various distributors and hospitality. I am most heavily involved with the area hotels and resorts. Orlando is second only to Las Vegas in the number hotels we have and it would be safe to say we do business will most of the major players in the industry.

Communicating with my customers is paramount to the job. I was concerned that maybe my customers would not like doing business with me because I might be slightly disfigured in the area of my mouth and neck or because I do not speak the same as I used to prior to the surgeries and treatment. However, after talking about that issue with my doctor, I realized I was cutting my customers short. He said that cancer affects almost everyone in one way or another and that they will admire the courage I had to beat this cancer and the courage it takes to come back and continue on with my life.

I had remained in contact with some of my customers and they confirmed the doctor's belief. He deals with this in various degrees all day every day. Here are some of the comments I received from customers:

Do not worry, God is in control. I will be praying for you...

Come on by, we’ll buy stuff from you; anything to help you keep your job and also help you along. I sense the positive good optimistic spirit in your letter and that is good…you are a fighter.

Bruce, I truly hope that everything gets back on track for you. You just never know what life is going to throw at you but I know you are a survivor and you will come through this stronger than you have ever been. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I wish you the best. Stay in touch.

We will keep the faith my friend. Like I tell my children: When times are troubled, don't look down. There are no answers down there. Instead, always look up where there is always hope for a brighter tomorrow.

We know that your journey is going to be rough but for some reason I feel optimistic for you. Stay strong and we’ll pray and wish you well, if enough people do it - it has to have a positive result.

Well I definitely do care and will keep you in my prayers. As we have talked about, it is all for a reason. God is a good God! just remember "don't tell God you got a big problem, tell your problem you have a BIG GOD!" 

I felt much better about the return to work when I looked at everything from the standpoint of the doctors and the customers. I have certain limitations as far as speaking but that has not prevented me from doing what I have needed to do. I also still cannot eat without the aid of the PEG-tube.

I found myself taking a good look at Roger Ebert, the acclaimed film critic from Chicago

Roger Ebert maintained a thumbs-up attitude (photo credits unknown)

who lost his battle against thyroid and salivary gland cancer. I had mentioned the admiration I have for Roger Ebert in a previous post and the manner in which he accepted his appearance after his series of surgeries. He maintained a style and grace with his deformed face that many would not have been able to do. It also touched home not only because there were certain similarities with our situations but also because my father new him when they both worked at the Chicago Sun-Times.

On his personal blog, Ebert explained that he was no longer able to eat, drink or speak anymore. A reader told him that it must be sad to be in that position. Ebert responded: "Not so much really. Not anymore." 

Ebert went on to explain his condition and subsequent surgeries in his book "Life Itself": 
"The new reality took shape slowly. Understand that I was never told that after surgery I might lose the ability to eat, drink and speak. Eating and drinking were not mentioned, and it was said that after the first surgery I might be able to go back to work on television. Success in such surgery is not unheard of. It didn't happen that way. The second surgery was also intended to restore my speaking ability. It seemed to help together for awhile, but then, in surgeon-speak, also 'fell apart.' In both cases the idea was to rebuild my face with bone and flesh transplants from my legs to restore an acceptable appearance. Both surgeries failed because microsurgery to reattach blood vessels broke down."

In some ways, it is frightening to read Ebert's story. I was haunted by images of him and others prior to my first surgery. In another way, I almost felt like I would have been in good company if I had been able to have the same "thumbs-up" attitude he demonstrated. Sadly, Ebert lost his battle against cancer on April 4, 2013.

I look forward to returning to work. I want people to know that we can win our battles against cancer and we can go on with our lives, even if we are a little bit different from when we first climbed on to our roller coaster ride with cancer.